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#8 – President Jungle (aka See E. Oh)

#8 – President Jungle (aka See E. Oh)

President Jungle grew up in Venezuela, then moved to Vilamoura, Portugal when he was 24.  He thought that the inhabitants of the country spoke horrible Spanish, so bad in fact, that he couldn’t understand what they were saying 64% of the time.

It was at this point that he decided a new, universal language should be spoken, and it wouldn’t be English, Mandarin, Japanese, American, Spanish, horrible Spanish spoken by the Portuguese, or even French. No, especially not French he thought to himself.

The following highly classified archived information labeled under “Not Accessible to Anybody, Ever” folder is an excerpt from President Jungle’s request, written in English, as he thought that perhaps the people of Portugal were speaking a weird dialect of English:

heyin their, fellow builders of future better tomorrow for,

I jus say want to know english of yours pour. i change want now to younee virsull lingua.  we call language new “soap opera.”  Language this sooper seed languages of others in galazy. More hores please well as, this simple time rekwest mine fulfill yes?

champagne called lol

elefent call rofl

saafwear call imo

we need all peepull this do. fri’d rodent please world munchee

The excerpt made absolutely no sense to anyone who wasn’t completely high at the time they looked at the excerpt, so the leaders of Portugal spend millions so that research could be made into just what was meant by this cryptic entry.

When the riddle was finally solved by a local pot-head, they decided to simply throw it away as they concluded it was written by someone extremely high on various drugs, or deranged, or really really inefficient with the English language in written form.

The 42, having access to all government run programs and databases in Portugal, found out about President Jungle, and saw potential….at least, they liked the idea of one language to impinge on the world. They were somewhat ashamed of not thinking of it themselves.

After a few months of searching, they finally found President Jungle working at a local McDonalds taking drive thru orders. It was an interesting dynamic, as President Jungle still generally didn’t understand what the people were saying from their cars (though he had been getting a bit better).  He got most of the orders wrong 92% of the time. When the 42 went through the drive thru, they spoke in Spanish, with an accent that is native to the region in Venezuela that President Jungle had grown up in.

He was so happy about this that he spent 45 minutes talking to them on the intercom, while myriad cars piled up behind them.  The people behind them tried to honk, but the 42 had used their “horn wave destroyer” mechanism to silence them while they spoke with President Jungle.

When they finally pulled up to the window, President Jungle’s boss had fired him, but he really didn’t care. He ran his ideas by the 42, which were much more lucid in Spanish, and much more disturbing than they had initially thought, which appealed to their fascist-like philosophy. He wasn’t at all intelligent they found, which didn’t really bother them.  He had the fortitude to do and implement exactly what they needed.

He was hired on the spot….and President Jungle never had to wear a McDonalds uniform again….well, just once, but that was for personal reasons when he was role playing with an “Escort” in Hungary.

The sketch we have available is of President Jungle barking orders to his “Lingual Platoon,” as he called it.  This platoon, along with many others, would be used to enforce the new language on a global scale.