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#13 – Beznin Garbanzai IV (aka the Quilter)

#13 – Beznin Garbanzai IV (aka the Quilter)

Beznin grew up in a remote village of Nepal, raised by Tom and Martha Biggles, both extremely famous rap stars in the South Asia region.  The Biggles wanted nothing more than their only daughter to graduate from a nice college and become a very important doctor, or maybe a professional marksmen with a strong penchant for miming.

Beznin was well on her way to becoming exactly what her parents expected of her too, if it hadn’t been for the ‘incident.’ Beznin was on her way home from college for the holidays, and was just about there, expecting a nice family sit down with the usual holiday dinner of Cheeto salad and Garbanzo Bean Paste Pasta Extravanaganza, which was a family tradition. Just as she was approaching the house, she saw as if in slow motion her mother stick her head out, slightly orange from working on the Cheeto salad and sneaking a few bites here and there. Just as she was about to wave however, everything vanished. The house, her mother, the pelican lawn ornaments, all gone.  When she looked down, she noticed that instead of sitting in a car, she was sitting on an exercise bike.

The exercise bike was not even a good one, she noted. After having been through a few years of college already, she was used to odd occurrences, though they usually happened due to the psychedelic drugs she had taken that day. So she took it in stride, and surveyed her surroundings. She appeared to be on the top of a very very tall building.  She could see no stars overhead, but instead saw what seemed like infinite stars below, spreading as far as the eyes could see.

There was a strange but not altogether unpleasant smell in the air, and gunshots rang out from somewhere. There was a  potted fern nearby.  She decided to start pedaling, so as to let her mind clear a bit, and to think of something else, like a Russian church. She closed her eyes, and pictured what she thought she remembered as being Russian Renaissance architecture.  When she opened them, she was sitting on a ski lift that was moving up a mountain side.  The people directly behind her were speaking French, and appeared to be startled about something.

For some reason, a part of her (she felt), knew exactly what was going on, which would help explain her calm reaction to all of it.  She then began to experiment, and thought of home while she closed her eyes.

When she opened them, she was standing in front of what used to be the Biggles residence, but had now been turned into a used bicycle/hookah shop.  When she went in and asked what had become of the previous residents, the owner stated that the shop had just been built there 4 months ago. She vaguely recalled her father telling her that before they had purchased the house, it had been a bicycle/hookah shop.

She knew that all the psilocybin in the world couldn’t do what she thought was happening to her presently, so she asked what year it was. When the shop owner told her, she decided that it was time simply give in and embrace complete insanity.  She smiled very broadly, half wondering where she really was in the world while her psyche took to roaming about a pseudo-physical plane of her own imagining.

What she didn’t realize was that all of it was very real, and it was pointed out to her quite by accident by one of the 42.

She was in Amsterdam, painting a wall that she thought didn’t exist with pixie stick paste made from Mountain Dew and pixie stick candy dust.  She was writing “I think, therefore I could turn a brick into a jelly bean…or 2” when she found herself facing the wall on the other side of the alley.

Likening herself to Sisyphus, she went about making more paste in order to start writing again.  She thought that her throttled brain merely got a bit glitchy, most likely due to the goat cheese she had eaten a few hours ago.

When she began again, she noticed that the wall was completed.  “WTF” she thought. What she didn’t notice was the 42 representative standing at the head of the alley witnessing the entire thing. She was disappearing and reappearing on opposite ends of the wall.

He had been in the middle of a conference call when he stopped in his tracks at the sights he was seeing.  He knew that this person needed to join their team, even if he didn’t know exactly how she would fit in.  He immediately dialed mission control via his Thought Wave Influencer in order to gain approval for the Acquisition Of A New Subject, otherwise known as AOANS. Approval was granted, so he then set out to acquire.

After speaking with Beznin for a good 50 minutes at a small cafe in the middle of Amsterdam, thankful that she didn’t disappear, he learned the entire story.  It was almost too easy for him….she, despite whatever he thought to tell her, believed that he was a figment of her imagination, a mere puzzle piece in her solipsistic microcosm.

She thought that it was about time her brain came up with something a bit more intriguing than dilapidated  exercise bikes and brick walls in the shadier areas of various cities.  She still hadn’t figured out how to make it to a Russian Orthodox church, and just figured her mind couldn’t construct a good enough framework for her to be present in. She embraced the 42 and their ideals, and eventually forgot that she had thought she had been making it all up. Authorities are hoping to work directly with Beznin, as they feel she may just be the unknowing defector that they need.