subscribe: Posts | Comments

#11 – Felipe Hexadecimal (aka Captain Mustard, aka Professor Gatwick, aka Sir Snow Butane)

#11 – Felipe Hexadecimal (aka Captain Mustard, aka Professor Gatwick, aka Sir Snow Butane)

Felipe was born and raised in a scientific research station in Antarctica. His mother, being young, from West Virginia,  and irresponsible at the time, decided to fly to Antarctica to leave him with people she considered “smart,” since they were scientists and all. She knew she was unfit to raise a child at the time, and really wanted to go through a phase of drug use and dangerous amounts of alcohol intake.  The father mysteriously disappeared after reporting that he wanted nothing to do with any of it, and that he was completely wasted at the time of initiating the process of conception.

He was given the name of Felipe Hexadecimal at birth, but became known primarily as Captain Mustard by day, and Professor Gatwick by night.  His parents were two scientists who looked as though they had never seen much sunlight in their lives, which was due to not having seen much sunlight in their lives.

{stay tuned for the completion of Felipes bio…we’ve been advised that the remaining information will be made available after the diplomatic relations dinner and ping pong match with the Wombats}

Good news everyone, the diplomatic relations dinner went well, and the proper persons in power were allowed to win select ping pong matches with the Wombats.  We now have additional information.  Unfortunately one of our well respected undercover journalists is now missing, as he was somehow included in one of the ping pong match bets.  This is unfortunate, to say the very least. What’s even more unfortunate is that no one knows the real name of the reporter, as he was so undercover only half of his own brain knew what his real name is (or perhaps was, at this point).

Anyway, following is the rest of what we now have on file for Felipe…..

Felipe was very content with his two fathers, scientists James Walsbarrow and Captain Splinter.  He loved the perpetual snow and ice, as well as NSF issued hot chocolate, which was provided in abundance. He did extremely well, up until he was about 17.  There was the simple fact that there were just no girls around, and Felipe gradually started seeing visions, mainly because he was going crazy.  The visions could also be explained by the experimental “calming” medication put into his hot chocolate every morning by the Slovakian cook named Helstuh Bisvoppington.

What really undid him though, was the sudden knowledge that his two fathers were not his real parents at all.  He couldn’t handle it, and he needed something other than stale salmon to start a teenage revolution over.  He decided that he would take the next flight back to West Virginia to find his real parents.  His fathers, being the practical sort that they were, understood, and said that he could do so when he turned 18.  They bought him martial arts lessons to help quell the angst in their teenage son.

The 42 has access to all profiles listed in the National Science Foundation database, and knew that Felipe would be coming to the states to find his “real” parents.  They knew they could use the scientific expertise and martial arts know-how in their group.  They also knew that working with someone who had grown up on the South Pole would be an interesting study, and likely easily influenced as they hadn’t had time to have certain cultural axioms ingrained in their psyche.

When Felipe stepped out of the airplane, he was greeted by what he was told was his bood mother and father.  Little did he know, he was actually greeted by Molly Clandestine and Luffington Spearheading. He was brought into the fold, and didn’t even mind later when he found out that he had been tricked into joining the 42.  The hot chocolate was just that much better stateside.